Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
is that a dick in a sweater?
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
