I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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