I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
