so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
