margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
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