True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
