i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Randomize
