Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Randomize
