Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
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