She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
