turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
