wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
i just google imaged poop.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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