i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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