I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
just come out here and I will go home with you...
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
