you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Randomize
