addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
