I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
