There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
