I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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