the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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