We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
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