I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
