I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
