the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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