On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I just threw up on my dentist
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
