I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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