Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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