I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I will pee on everything he values.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
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