We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
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