when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
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