my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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