I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
