You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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