I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
No subtext here. People are naked.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
