The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
