hotel room ftw
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Randomize
