dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
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