yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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