1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
