her vagine was all disorganized.
I looked at my own cervix.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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