i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
so let's talk penis.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
