Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
did i walk over a car last night?
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
