Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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