she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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