I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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