I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
