I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
