You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize
