he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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