Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
