Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
