just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
