I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
