drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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