unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
