I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
