The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Randomize
