Me. At least after what I've been through.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
