Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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