you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
