I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
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