My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
