This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
