is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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