I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Randomize
