did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I fill condoms, not promises.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
